What more can I say? So I stepped on the scale this morning and for the first time in over a year I gained weight. What the hell is up with that? It is a sick fat chick joke for sure. Like my body knows I only wanted to lose 10lbs, basically to be at 200lbs……..so it added 4 lbs. I am a little pissed. Nothing like seeing your ticker go backwards! But……no worries….my goal is now to lose 14lbs. Either that or smash the scale in to a 1000 pieces. I will not tolerate such insubordination! I watched Ruby last night. I just love her. It was a 2hr special about a 6day detox, with her “fat girls night” friends. I was watching while playing phase 10 with Bill and Jason. Those two are soooo loud, I coulda killed them. But I heard most of it and got the jist. It was very enlightening, educational, motivational and inspiring. I thank Tennie, Ruby and the women for sharing their deepest darkest most painful moments with the world. (re-runs all week BTW) Got me thinking about the “WHY” I am fat, not the how. Yes I have a medical condition that makes it easy to gain weight and hard to lose weight. But seriously, there is a way for me to lose weight, I just choose not to. Why? I should probably do some exploring further on this and have a chat with that little 7 yr old girl who was violated by a drunken pedifile all those years ago. Maybe if I love her a little bit, she won’t feel the need to shield me with an extra layer of protection.
So this morning I ran out of the house without my diet food. Luckily I also left my ATM card in my shorts yesterday, so when I got out of the car to get it, I remembered my food. I made it past the coffee house, and past mc donalds, all the way to my desk. I did however smoke. I have had 3 cigarettes, and have yet to put my patch on. Hmmm. I promptly set the survivor cheesecake on the far side of the office, so I won’t be tempted by that. I then made my coffee. YUK. I used 2tsp of sugar free French vanilla and 1tsp of regular. (I drink the powdered instant French vanilla) I could just gag! Every thing else is going OK. Not upset about what I am having for breakfast. Or lunch….so far anyways….I have only been here for a half hour. Who knows what feelings the day may bring. But for now….Just my coffee sucks.
I have to say, now that it is 2pm, that I am doing great on the diet part. I have had several cups of water….managed to finish my cup of coffee without puking….I am not feeling my usual afternoon post carb crash. I feel good. I have not thought about the cheese cake all day. I think I can actually do this. Well, I know I can, I have lost 50lbs 3 times previously, that was not the hard part. Keeping it off was. I could win the world yo-yo championships…..next up…..walk the dog! For now….I will concentrate on getting the plane off the ground and let the air traffic controller worry about the holding pattern. The cigarettes are getting to me though. I did go without my morning break smoke, but lunch was too hard. And I have to admit, I am about to bail on you right now for another. Might have bit of more than I can chew trying to kick 2 habits in one day. Maybe tomorrow on the cigs. That’s enough for today…see ya on the flip side!
Skinny On
Michelle
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This is the diary of a fat woman trying to save her life. The diary of a woman who is about to finally kick the final butt of a two year long struggle to get her life back after a car accident, surgery and a few other great losses.
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That is it! I am fed up with being FAT! I started my last diet on Monday 5-3-10, I started at 214lbs and got down to 201. And then it slowly crept it's way back up to 213 where i have been for about 6-9 months until Dec 2011 where I balooned up to 218.5lbs! Not happy about it....so...come hell or high water I am doing it for good this time. Mc Donald’s may go bankrupt, but that is a price I am just going to have to pay. I am starting off small, with a goal of 10lbs. It is achievable, and a target I can easily keep my eyes on. The bathroom scale just might implode with all the abuse it is about to get, but since there is no government agency in charge of keeping a fat chicks scale safe, it is a risk I am willing to take. So I will lovingly say goodbye to my raspberry mocha frappachino’s, French fries, and Ice Cream this weekend. Dear lord, I have a giant box of clothes that I love, that I haven’t seen in years. I am sick of these fat clothes. Sick of being out of breath all the time. Sick of not being able to keep up. I suffer fromPCOS, polycystic ovarian syndrome which is the symptomatic version of PCOD. My last glucose test was not good. I am now insulin resistant or a more fatal term, pre-diabetic. I cannot continue to torture my body this way anymore and expect to have a wonderful long life. I have tried the drug Metformin in the past, and it made me feel ill all the time. I will have to do the Atkins or South beach diet, as anything with carbs of any kind, is a no-no for my disease. I will need to go shopping this weekend so that I am prepared on Monday morning with a breakfast that will he. Before my long drive to work, that results in being hungry by the time I pass McDonalds. I would like to actually drive BY the golden arches, rather than be lulled by the smell of sausage and hashbrowns. And……while I am at it, I think I will quit smoking too!
Join me for a wild Ride!
Skinny On
Michelle
So there you have it. I said it. Put it in writing. I surely must have to do it! Right?
Join me for a wild Ride!
Skinny On
Michelle
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